Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
