People in love make me want to vomit
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize