Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
