The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
