do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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