we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
