ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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