Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
