I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
