I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
