i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
NoShamevember. You game?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
