anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
