forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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