I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
