I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
