Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
