May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
