is your mom at the bar?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
