there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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