i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
