The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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