fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
