Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
