i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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