i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize