Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
