I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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