Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
