he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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