It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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