I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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