dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
