It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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