Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
