remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
