Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
