i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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