weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
