I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
