sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They are going to name an STD after you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
