your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
