We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
