I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
