i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
