tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
