The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He shit in the fireplace
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