think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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