I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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