he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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