I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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