My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
