I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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