I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
