So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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