Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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