A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
