i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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