Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
