Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
