i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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