I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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