Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
wow bdsm is so cute
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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