you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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