come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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