I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
