I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
