This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
